


In my veins

by xyChaoticFox



Series: Shadowhunters/The Mortal Instruments [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec is high on vampire venom, Blood Drinking, Blood High, First Kiss, Guilt, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Platonic Kissing, Sort of Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22391902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xyChaoticFox/pseuds/xyChaoticFox
Summary: Briefly drowning in a vampire venom high and a heartbreak, Alec collapses and kisses Simon back.( Based on the scene in book 6 where Alec let's Simon drink his blood in Edom.)
Relationships: Mentioned Simon/Isabelle and Alec/Magnus, Simon Lewis/Alec Lightwood
Series: Shadowhunters/The Mortal Instruments [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612432
Comments: 7
Kudos: 84





	In my veins

**Author's Note:**

> Soo.. I don't really know what this is but I was reading the scene and i just found myself wanting something like this. This is actually more angsty than what i normally write (smut and fluff) but yeah xD
> 
> I'm a huge Malec shipper so I don't know why i wrote this but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless <3
> 
> I adjusted, chopped and changed the dialogue where I could but mostly kept to the scene flow from the book and added what I wanted for the scene. Original obviously belongs to the lovely Cassandra Clare. <3
> 
> As always my native language is not English and this is not beta'd so please excuse any major errors and enjoy ♥️

_x_

"No." Jace said firmly, surprising Clary.

She let her hair drop over her neck again and looked apologetically at Simon. Simon cast his gaze to Jace instead, remembering the night he drank Jace's blood for the first time and the eagerness Jace had to die that night. He didn't want to hurt Clary but Simon would have done exactly what Jace was doing now; he wouldn't let anyone do that if it were his Isabelle. 

"Look, he needs to eat-"

"Oh, for God's sake. I'll do it." Alec stood up from his position next to Isabelle and carefully tucked the blankets around her sleeping form.

Both Clary and Jace stared at him like he had grown a second head but Alec turned to Simon. Simon felt an odd feeling of guilt pass through him, making him more weak than he already was. He leaned against the back of the cave, his head against the rocky wall that scratched at his scalp. He didn't want them to pity him or fight over who had to be his dinner, not that they were food but-

He sighed, shaking himself from his sleepy state.

"You don't even like me, why are you offering me your blood?"

"You saved my sister so I owe you." Alec said quietly.

Simon looked across the space between them at Isabelle's sleeping form. He could see her move, her chest rising with deep and steady breaths. She was breathing. _Alive_. Because of him. God, he was so thankful it worked; he couldn't imagine going on through this nightmare without her. 

"I didn't do it to make any of you feel like you have to pay a debt-" He pushed away from the wall, shaking on his feet. 

"Simon," Clary started.

"Just do it, we're wasting time by arguing." Alec interrupted, reaching forward.

He steadied Simon as he swayed, clasping one of Simon's shoulders in a firm grip. There was a tight tension in his hands, like he was coiled up and ready to just release at any moment. His eyes were cast down and most of his face cast in dark shadows as the fire flickered on behind him. Simon swallowed meekly, embarrassed by the situation and too aware of Clary and Jace still staring at them.

"O-okay." He agreed awkwardly.

Alec looked away from him, staring coldly at the wall beside them as he bared his neck. He was paler than normal but his cheeks were flushed and Simon guessed he was probably not as comfortable with this as he said. He looked like someone at the doctor ready to undergo an extremely embarrassing examination. Simon spared them any further embarrassment.

"I'm not doing this in front of everyone." He announced.

"Simon, come on, it's not spin the bottle. It's just food, not that you're food Alec but- you - never mind." Clary raised her hands in surrender, feeling a little out of line as the eldest Lightwood sent her a dark glare.

" _For the Angel's sake_!"

Simon startled as Alec raised his voice, suddenly moving forward to clasp his hand around Simon's bicep. He muttered an angry sounding ' _come on_ ' and tugged the vampire ungracefully after him and into the tunnel that lead to the outside gate. Simon vaguely heard Jace say something about them needing privacy for such an intimate moment and he tried his best not to cringe.

"I think you should just let me die."

"Shut up." Alec said through clenced teeth.

He roughly pushed Simon against one of the tunnel walls, stepping away to look at him. He looked even more uncomfortable now as he pressed his mouth into a thin line.

"Does it have to be my neck?"

"No," Simon said quickly, "Your wrist is okay too, I mean if you're cool with that?"

Alec didn't answer and silently began pulling up one of his sweater sleeves. His skin was pale and bare except where the Marks were and Simon could clearly see the veins beneath the smooth skin surface. Even though he didn't exactly want this, he couldn't deny the stab of hunger and exhaustion. He wasn't going to be much help without blood and right now, Alec's blood was calling out to him; soft, warm, salty and laced with a rich sunny undertone. Simon's gums ached with the scent. 

"I just want you to know," Alec said as he extended his arm towards Simon, "My sister enlightened me on this subject and the sexy times that sometimes occur after this feeding business."

Simon would've paled even more if it were possible.

"Actually, she told me more than I wanted to know but my point is- I'm _not_ attracted to you in any way."

"Right," Simon took hold of the offered arm, "You're not really my type either, so don't worry. But you know, you could have faked it for a few minu-"

"No," Alec said firmly enough to make Simon look him in the eye, "I could _never_. I hate it when people think I like any guy just because I'm gay and-"

"Alec, chill. I don't think you're inlove with me. I know you pretty much hate me most of the time."

Alec looked like he had been slapped. 

"What? I don't hate you, why would you say that? "

Simon stood there still holding Alec's arm awkwardly between them.

"I'm a Downworlder - a vampire. And I'm inlove with your sister and you think she's too good for me."

"Don't all brothers think their sisters are too good for the rest of the world? I just want to keep her safe but Simon, I don't hate you or the fact that you're a vampire. You're a good guy and you make her happy, really happy, and that's all that matters if she wants you." Alec's eyes hardened," Besides, I can't judge her for dating a Downworlder."

Simon nodded slightly, mind flickering to Magnus. Alec was the most conservative of the Lightwoods; rule abiding and strict but even he fell for someone they were taught as being less than them. He didn't think Alec viewed them as less but he also felt a strong resent in Alec towards those who were changed into a Downworlder opposed to those born that way. 

"You won't become a vampire? Not even to stay with Magnus, would you?" He said it before he could stop himself. 

Alec sighed tiredly, "No. I could never do that and it's killing me inside." 

"It's fine if you feel like that-" 

Simon felt the pulse spike beneath his fingers as Alec tugged his arm, "Just. Do it." 

He didn't want to talk about Magnus and Simon wasn't going go push him. Instead he turned his attention to Alec's arm, swallowing thickly as the sharp canines extended in his mouth and poked at the inside of his lip. There was a tension between them now, raw and open but Simon's hunger paid it no attention. As the need for blood spread through him like wildfire, he tried his best to say something to Alec- something normal and human. 

"I'm sorry about Magnus." 

"Just drink." Alec said lowly. 

He didn't want to think about Magnus and what he was going through right now. He was praying that Magnus was alright and just locked up somewhere, alive and well. He prayed Magnus didn't find out about this - not that it meant anything but still. And then he suddenly felt ashamed, a part of him deep down wishing Magnus knew, that he felt some sadness or regret over leaving Alec like that. That he could hurt like Alec was hurting. It was stupid and selfish but Alec couldn't stop his thoughts. In the end, he just wanted to be with Magnus. 

Alec gasped, taking a sharp breath as the razor-like fangs pierced his skin. It was fast and clean, a quick motion that barely even stung as the fangs sunk into him and opened his veins to let the blood flood through. He felt Simon's fingers tighten around his wrist, gripping him like he thought Alec was about to flee but Alec didn't move. He watched the vampire as he drank, entranced suddenly by the process of it all. 

He didn't feel any pain, his nerves dulling and his senses somewhat fading to the background as Simon drank from him. A haze settled into his mind, his eyes trying to blink away the foggy vision without triumph. Alec opened his mouth to speak but no words came and the more Simon drank the more Alec felt himself fall. His body felt too light and he was sure he started to sway, his free hand reaching blindly for Simon to hold onto him. 

His heart ached, memories of Magnus flashing into view and then fading away again. Emotions hit him like speeding arrows, piercing, quick and without mercy all at the same time. He felt an overwhelming heat and then _sadness_ , anger, _regret_ , longing, lust and something close to _nothing_. It was an odd liberating feeling, making his heart skip a beat and his lungs take a shaky breath to try and calm himself.

Then the emotions blurred into one and shot through him like a spear, sending him staggering forward. Simon's tongue flicked over the wounds on his wrists, lapping at the blood and soothing the open wounds as he pulled away. Alec should have felt disgusted but somehow he didn't. Abruptly Simon looked up, eyes lighter and skin flushed from feeding. He quickly let Alecs' wrist go, reaching for Alec's arms instead. 

"Alec? _Alec_." He said quietly but urgently. 

Simon's veins pulsed with the warm fresh blood and his senses absolutely flared. He felt alive and buzzing with energy, electricity flowing through him and up his spine. He caught Alec against him, helping him stand against wall he was previously leaning against. Alec's hands wrung weakly into the front of Simon's shirt, holding on like it was his lifeline. 

Simon's vision pulsed, ears ringing with flowing blood and the sound of Alec's pounding heart. He swallowed, eyes wide as he bounded forward without reason. His lips pressed against Alec's, the shadowhunter's blood still on him as he did it. Alec made a low noise and opened his mouth in soft protest. Simon was sure he was going to pull away and stab him but then there was no resistance and the Lightwood collapsed against the wall.

Simon held onto him tightly, drunk on blood and almost frenzied when Alec licked at the remaining blood between their mouths. He stepped closer, pulling Alec close against his cold form as he pressed their mouths together harder to taste more. He wanted _more_. And then the emotions hit him, flowing from Alec like a breaking dam. The utter heartbreak and gut wrenching guilt and regret. Simon pulled away harshly, almost dropping Alec in the process. 

" _Shit_ , Alec- I'm sorry." 

Alec didn't look at him, hands letting go of Simon's shirt. 

"Alec- it's okay, it didn't mean anything, it was just the blood and vampires have these stuff in their spit that is like an aphrodisiac to humans and you don't have to feel bad, really it-" 

"I know." Alec said meekly, voice hoarse and soft.

Simon had never heard Alec sound that broken. Ever. 

"It's okay." He said again, pulling Alec to lean on him. 

Alec didn't even resist and it made Simon feel a thousand times worse. 

"Magnus won't care anyway." He murmured. 

Simon clamped his mouth shut, feeling Alec's emotions like they were his own and to be frank- he really wanted to kick Magnus' ass. But in their current situation he refrained from voicing it, simply stepping back to brace himself against a wall as he supported a swaying Alec. With blood still buzzing and emotions high, his senses flared and his skin felt alive where they touched- like it was an extension between them. He felt another dull, gut wrenching stab of guilt and hopelessness that made his fingers tighten in Alec's clothes. 

" _It's okay, Alec."_

_x_

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to shout at me below ~
> 
> Suggestions and requests are welcome ♥️


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